


A Taste of Shepard

by Comedia



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: M/M, shut up, yes coffee is the main character in all my fics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-09
Updated: 2012-10-09
Packaged: 2017-11-16 00:06:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/533276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Comedia/pseuds/Comedia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A famous coffeehouse wants to base their new drink on Commander Goddamn Shepard. Kaidan and Shepard are invited to their office to try the drink out. Turns out it’s much harder to figure out what Shepard tastes like than they first thought. This is really silly, in fact, it’s total crack. I think. With a little smut.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Taste of Shepard

**Author's Note:**

> Huge thanks to [vibranium-heart](http://vibranium-heart.tumblr.com/) for being an inspiration and making me finish this.
> 
> Also, this happened: “past the perimeter of the formal wheezes”. Heh. You know what synonyms are like.

Shepard is the kind of person who only cares about eating because it keeps him going, and when they were onboard the Normandy Kaidan could understand, or at least try to. However, with the war since long gone and dozens of planets offering all kinds of interesting cuisine there’s no way in hell he’s settling for anything sub-par. The Citadel have thousands of restaurants and cafés, and having spent years working as a Spectre Kaidan have had time to sample many of them.

When they get a request from “This One Feels Like Caffeine” there’s just no way he’ll pass the opportunity, even if the letter is technically addressed to Shepard. He replied to them immediately saying that of course the Commander wanted coffee made in his honor. The only challenge that remained was explaining to Shepard that this was the case.

It took a lot of convincing to get him to go along with it, including reminding him of how the coffeehouse had made a wonderful Blasto series a few years back.

“Come on. You said their ‘Partners in Crime’ latte actually tasted like the movie. I’m sure they’ll make a Shepard coffee that taste just like you.”

The last time Shepard had stared at anyone like that was when Vega had suggested they’d hire a choir of Elcors for the wedding. “What does that even mean, Kaidan?”

He knew it was unfair to bring out the puppy eyes, but sometimes there was no other choice. “Trust me on this. Please?”

And so here they are, in the “This One Feels Like Caffeine”’s headquarters a month later. It’s a big office with a nice view of the Presidium. They’re seated in a couch and a dozen cups are arranged on a metallic table in front of them; the well-polished surface make them seem as twice as many.

It’s a little ridiculous, really. The same man who has ended wars and faced down the reapers is now fidgeting because of a simple business meeting. Leaning in a little closer and gently taking his hand, twining their fingers together, Kaidan smiles.

“You’ve posed for countless of products by now. I thought you’d be used to this.”

The sigh is not quite steady and the small hitch quickens Kaidan’s heartbeat just a little. This really isn’t a good time or place, but it’s not like Shepard has ever been good at timing his moments of being utterly adorable.

“It’s not the same. You get in front of the camera, they take a few shots, and that’s it.”

The door opens and a Drell enters. She’s dressed in several shades of dark brown, her outfit matching her products perfectly.

“Don’t worry about it, you’ll do great.” Kaidan leans in even closer to whisper as she approaches them, and then he turns to her and smiles. In the corner of his eye he can see Shepard trying to mimic his relaxed posture and failing horribly.

“It’s a great honor; my name is Urha Sori.” Shaking hands with both of them she sits down on the opposite side of the table, a slight smile never leaving her lips. “A pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

“Likewise.” Shepard can’t even seem to sit still, so Kaidan decides he’ll do most of the talking. “We’re looking forward to see what you have in mind.”

“Ah yes!” If he didn’t know better he’d say she’s bouncing with excitement. “We have a few suggestions and figured we’d let you decide, rather than just slapping your name on something without letting you have a say in it. It needs to be something you would drink.”

Shepard’s grip on Kaidan’s hand tightens, and he’s still not exactly sure what it is about this that makes John so uncertain. Dealing with a reporter’s disingenuous assertions on a live broadcast? Piece of cake. A coffeehouse wanting to name their new drink after him? Apparently this is when things get twitchy.

“Yeah, sounds good.”

She tells them all about the different blends. How they’ve had meetings discussing what roast Shepard seems most like. She shows presentations from the meeting where they talked about what kind of flavoring that seemed the most heroic. When she starts talking about how they spent several days trying out whipped cream to figure out which texture that fit “Commander Shepard” Kaidan is pretty sure Shepard makes a muffled yelp.

Glancing at him he’s surprised to see that John isn’t looking at the saleswoman, the presentation or even the cups on the table. Instead his gazed is fixed on Kaidan, eyes dark.

His expression keeps Kaidan distracted long enough for him to completely miss the question they’re being asked.

“Sorry, what did you say?” He knows his smile is sheepish, but Urha is kind enough not to mention it.

“I was asking if you’re ready to try our suggestions.”

“Yes, of course.” By now he’s the one practically bouncing with excitement.

“We experimented a lot with flavoring. The blend itself has a very distinct taste, and we’d hate to lose that.”

Shepard simply grabs the cup he’s being handed, eyeing the drink suspiciously. Kaidan on the other hand places his on the table, intent on learning everything there is to know about the creation of personalized coffee. Urha speaks for a while longer, describing exactly how the blend is made. How Salarians were involved in creating the perfect environment for the coffea plants to grow.

When she’s done talking and they finally get to try the drink he needs nothing more than a sip to know it’s all wrong.

“This vanilla flavoring really isn’t doing it for me.”

Shepard splutters next to him. After carefully swallowing what’s left of the coffee and wiping his mouth he glares at Kaidan. “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me one bit.”

Kaidan just raises one eyebrow in question and John rolls his eyes in response. A little unsure of what the problem is he smiles and turns to the saleswoman once again.

“What other flavors have you been experimenting with?”

Shepard mutters something under his breath, but Kaidan ignores him. After going through five flavors or so John seems like he could crush his cup at any second, and they settle for hazelnut. As Urha goes on to talk about toppings he seems to calm down for a while.

But then they start talking about the whipped cream. John squirms beside him through the whole conversation and Kaidan has no idea why. He whispers for him to man up, trying to joke about it, but his comment only seems to make Shepard more uncomfortable.

It’s the same with the cream. He’s barely had time to swallow the sample to know what’s wrong.

“This cream won’t work. I think you’ll have to whip it a while longer, it needs a more harsh texture.”

This time he can hear John next to him, nothing but a whisper under his breath. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

For a second he thinks it’s about the cream, and he’s glad Shepard is finally focusing on the task at hand. But as Kaidan turns to look at him and the bright blue eyes stare back, spread wide in an almost comical way, he realizes the absurdity of the situation. They’re picking a coffee that taste like Shepard, and he just said… he can feel himself blush as he turns to Urha once again, this time accepting a cup with different toppings.

He can’t focus on her anymore, very aware of Shepard at his side now. And if there’s anything John’s good at it’s reading people. He knows that Kaidan knows.

They’re handed cups with marshmallows this time. The candy has almost entirely melted, leaving a sticky, white layer on top of the steaming brew.

“Kaidan, I really don’t think these marshmallows properly represent my personality.” Shepard’s voice is silky sweet, and most people would write it off as absolutely innocent… but Kaidan knows better.

He puts his cup down, glancing at the smug man by his side. “You’re right, they should use strawberry ones.”

“Oh yeah, strawberries are an aphrodisiac, right? That should represent me perfectly.”

Kaidan is close to hiding his face in his hands, partly to hide the blush and partly because… what the actual fuck. “How do you even know these things?”

Shepard simply smiles in reply and Kaidan’s pretty sure that his hair has gone from silver at the temples to completely white in the past minutes.

He really can’t remember the last time he was this unprofessional, but at least the saleswoman seems amused rather than annoyed.

“Okay. Hazelnut flavoring, whipped cream with a harsh texture and strawberry marshmallows. Is that correct?”

“Ah… yes.” He’s not really sure what he’s agreeing to, but as they get up to leave he shakes her hand, managing to smile apologetically. “I’d be grateful if you didn’t…”

She just shakes her head, a professional smile not unlike Miranda’s silencing him. “Don’t worry, we believe strongly in confidentiality.”

The moment the door closes behind them Shepard growls “Spectre offices. Now.”

Many in the crowd recognize them as they walk along the corridors. Kaidan tries to nod and wave, acknowledging the people that matter, but soon he’s too focused on Shepard to notice anyone else.

“Screw you.” It’s barely a murmur, and a quite loving one at that, despite the words.

He hisses in response. “Me? You started it!” It’s kind of true. At least he wasn’t aware of what he was saying until Shepard had to be, well, Shepard and make a big deal out of it.

“By this point I couldn’t care less about who started as long as you’re willing to finish it.” Kaidan is pretty sure that John doesn’t have any idea of what he’s doing with his face most of the time. It’s just a series of awkward grimaces; sometimes they fit the situation and sometimes they’re completely wrong. Like how he’ll end up looking like a deer in headlights when attempting to be alluring. On the other hand, that’s exactly what’s so attractive about him. They’re probably walking twice as fast as when they left the headquarters, and even though they’re getting close to the Spectre offices he holds Shepard’s hand, twining their fingers together.

Trying to focus on their conversation he turns slightly to John, rolling his eyes. “I’m sorry Commander, but that’s definitely one of your worst ones yet.”

“Please Kaidan. I don’t even have that title anymore.”

He knows he’s playing dirty, but the office is at the end of the corridor now. It’s worth it. He can almost feel Shepard’s ear against his lips. “Like that has anything to do with it, _Commander_.”

They’re barely through the doors when Shepard lunges at the control panel. As the lock goes red Kaidan grabs him again, pushing him back against the cool metallic surface. There’s a moment of nothing but hot breath, Shepard’s stubble burning against his lips as they search for more. An afternoon of beverages burning his tongue and it’s still nothing compared to this, Shepard’s teeth teasing his bottom lip.

Hands searching beneath the dress blues, not to map out skin but rather to revel in the familiarity. Following Shepard’s treasure trail, hair rough against his fingertips, past the rim of the formal pants.

It’s kind of awkward, desperate even – and a little too much like those short moments they would have during the war – but it’s enough. One hand gripping them both and the other at the small of Shepard’s back, holding him close as he rolls his hips. Kaidan keeps breaking their kiss, simply because he needs to meet John’s eyes and share his breath, just like this, a few inches apart. Blue is often associated with cold, with ice, but he can’t think of anything warmer than Shepard’s eyes. They’ve always been a home, a place where the heat never dies.

John’s breathing is heavy, the way he’d pant in the field after rushing the enemy. Yeah, they’re old soldiers, now more than ever, but they’re damn good at what they do.

   —-

_Epilogue_

The billboard flashes in bright blue, matching Shepard’s eyes perfectly. He’s fierce, the Commander-pose once again flawless, but next to the ridiculous drink it kind of loses its impact.

Light brown with a topping of whipped cream – looking very much like Asari tentacles, Liara will surely feel honored – dots of strawberry marshmallows and a swirly straw for some reason… did they agree to that? If Kaidan wasn’t completely stunned he would call Urha this very second and ask her about it.

Shepard, on the other hand, is looking pretty smug despite it all.

“Garrus will be furious that he won’t be able to drink this.”

They stand next to each-other quietly for a while, but eventually Kaidan’s lack of response makes John turn, his eyes narrowing in suspicion. “What?”

“It breaks my heart to say this, but there’s a Turian version available. It’s kind of their thing; caffeine for all.”

He may look disappointed, but there’s a hint of excitement underneath. “We approved it after all. Wanna try?” And he doesn’t wait for Kaidan to answer as he grabs his hand to pull him inside.


End file.
